Reflections on Purpose

Recently it’s become a habit of mine to strike up conversations with strangers as the mood strikes me. Everyone has a story, opinions of interest, a fresh perspective, or at least something…different from what I have going on in my head. From a 30 minute conversation about gardening with a bank teller to the asthmatic troubles of a neighborhood woman’s little daughter, these slices of life add reality and interest to a world that tends to be inwardly focused.

Inspiration can be found anywhere and everywhere. Something as innocent as a casual factoid mentioned by a doctor from the opposite side of the continent in a chatroom can have a butterfly effect, leading to intense conversation and intense… something else. Inspiration tonight came in the form of the DVD of Rocky Balboa.

“All of boxing is looking for a warrior who thrills us with his passion.”- Rocky Balboa Opening lines.

Rocky did what he had to do.

That brings me back to a conversation I had yesterday with the owner of a new, almost pretentious little coffee and sandwich shop I frequent infrequently.

Among other things, this young guy in what I guess is his very early 30s comes, from an old-school immigrant family. I can relate. His came from Italy (Pastafarian?) and my parents were smuggled out of a communist country in Eastern Europe. Naturally upon this discovery we began speaking about our oft-similar upbringing, and particular, how we both were…strongly encouraged… to make something of ourselves. Our families must have met in the same church because both worshipped at the altar of self-reliance. As it so happened this was intimately related to a pet peeve of his, opening up several kinds of Can O’ Worms, as he took severe personal offense at the aimlessness of so many other first generation kids who lived the good life off the sweat and toil of their immigrant parents, all with little concern for the herculean efforts of their bearers. Growing up without the proverbial silver, gold, platinum, or any other precious or semiprecious metal, spoon, my gratitude for my current comfortable situation in the middle class is boundless. That gratitude has been a driving force in my life, compelling me to push myself to excel. I may never be able to repay my parents but I’ll do all I damned well can to provide for my yet to be sired progeny as my family has done for me through all these years.

That is MY PURPOSE, something that is unfortunately not found in abundance in my immediate region that I’ve finally returned to after graduation.
A purpose is an important thing, almost magical thing. It crystallizes your ambition, sharpens your focus, allows you to be confident and commanding in when things need to be accomplished. Purpose is not necessarily easy to define. If you don’t feel a drive for it, then its not really a Purpose, not yet. It takes time to find it.

Some people seem to almost be born with it. My father knew since he was 15 that he wanted to leave the country he was born in. For more than a decade he would push himself to excellence and do everything possible until he realized that goal. It was a long, arduous, and sometimes even dangerous process but that strength of will and clarity of desire is something even I can’t imagine, to leave everything and everyone behind to start with less than nothing. He could have easily had a comfortable life in Romania but instead of bowing to the easy road, he seized his dream with both hands. When he came to the United States, he quickly found a new purpose, to make enough money to feed himself and his wife. When some of that was saved up, he sought career advancement. He always looked for the next challenge. He quit jobs left and right, that seemed comfortable and secure with promises of advancement because he had the killer instinct to look for the best real opportunities to excel in. From every angle he was told he was crazy, by his wife, his mother, the in-law to be quitting a steady paycheck because he knew he wanted better. Even more crazy is that it worked out. God helps those who help themselves.

This is where true confidence springs from, people. He knew he deserved better, could achieve better, and was not dissuaded by others, or by the trappings of security and comfort. Even now for minor things arguing with him is akin to smashing your head against a brick wall, an experience that I’ve unfortunately had the displeasure of having on a few occasions. He may be the most stubborn individual I’ve ever known and quite often I’m at odds with him, but he’s made unbelievable accomplishments in the past 25 years here. One thing that can never be attributed to him is a lack of self assurance.

It took me 22 years to realize that this is what I want in life, what I’ve been developing in myself to have, which has given me tremendous strength and comfort in the last year. Purpose. It needed to finally realize what I didn’t have a firm grasp on myself to recognize it in others. Not only will I provide my future family, which has ever been the goal, but along the way I am changing into the person I want to be. Having become so much more in-line with my purpose over the past year, it was like suddenly tapping into a wellspring of power, of confidence, of assurance. Instead of blowing from side to side by the influence of others, I move more and more towards my goals, my ideals. I’m discovering an intensity I never knew I had in me. Even with tasks as simple as doing yardwork, trying to push my father to delay something that needs doing, to do it half-assedly, or any such shirking of responsibility is an impossible chore. The owner of the café had an idea, a vision, and he spent a tremendous amount of time and effort bringing his dream to fruition, working there alone day in and day out but the results of his effort his drive, his PURPOSE can be seen in the immaculate yet cozy establishment that he keeps together so well. Something I’ve come to see in most every person with confidence is a sense that they have a place to go, commitments to themselves and their goals, to their purpose, and it is that drive, that is often just so attractive. Purpose is not just a commitment to a goal, it’s a commitment to yourself to achieve what you desire. So many others don’t have that, and it shows. Like moths to a flame they invariably become increasingly more drawn to those with that direction to fill that lack of their own. Packs have leaders and humans are a herd animal. It can be seen in every aspect of our cultural developments from the communities we create, to the leadership that people place above themselves. It is what delineates the ‘alpha male’ from the ‘beta’. Of course it needs to go hand in hand with commitment but I'll let that sit for another time.