As most everyone understands to a greater of lesser extent, people are learning machines. Most of our belief system we originally adopt from our family and in the end take at least some of the values they instill in us. It is not always the case but it is much more often than not. These are not always overt. Even someone rejecting an abusive family may have become abusive in turn.
Recently it has led me to some manner of self-inquiry. I have somewhat of a flexible and malleable belief system. There absolutely are values, even ostensibly good values, which I learned from others instead of developing for myself. What I felt as an obligation to my possible future family, what being a good family person entails, etc are taken from other sources. How do I know? My verbiage is almost identical to that where I borrowed it from. These are good and strong, but are they mine? Having explored and crafted for myself many of the personal values I hold dear (which as far as I can tell are not really replicated by anyone I know personally or from material I have been exposed to), I noted recently how these others ‘values’ were generated not from experiential observation but words I learned as a child. Once by all accounts these values (not enumerated here) are solid and respectable.
Do I want to keep them?
Honestly
I don’t know.
One does not need to do bad things to create a value system not to do so. However, something I choose to explore for myself (which I would encourage anyone to do), is to sift through my own beliefs, or what I claim my beliefs are, and ask myself whether its really something I experience and hold dear, or if its something given to me by someone else. Naturally all our beliefs are generated by some manner of information gathering. An example to clarify my point
I held that I want to provide for my (eventual) family the way so that the same opportunities are available to them that were created for me. My family certainly fought tooth and nail for their current place in our society. The expectation is that I would repay them by doing the same.
But I don’t know if I really want to. Not yet.
But that’s what I claimed I believed. I even do to a certain extent, but the passion is not there.
Yet.
I’m far more interested in self development at this time.
Even elements of my profession, undergraduate studies, etc, were pre-fabricated for me by the expectations and values of my family. I went along with it, not grudgingly but because I thought that I was following what I thought I believed in. While direction is good, it wasn’t until somewhat recently that I gained enough insight to see this in particular for what it really is. I am fortunate that I convinced myself that I really like what I do. However decisions I made operating on someone else’s map of how things should be and what I need to do, will forever mark my life.
These days I choose my values. However, taking a deep look at what you think makes you tick and being honest with yourself can be both illuminative and instructive. When I have some opportunity and inclination, I explore it for myself. The key is that its up to us to decide what it is we truly want. It is our responsibility to ourselves.
What do you really value? You decide.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Possibility's Mind (Part 2) "Different Strokes For Different Folks"
Before I began my professional school career (an interesting choice of words), I had found a great balance in my life. I was achieving or well on the way to achieving almost all of my personal goals.
Then came the Great Interrupt. Law School began. Personal (and social life) fell by the wayside in the pursuit of excellence. What I had developed out of my life was not necessarily the best strategy for dealing with professional school so I’ve had to adapt significantly. Even now I am constantly fine tuning my approach. Hopefully I’ll have more on the experience of walking into school with vastly different personalities over the course of several weeks when I have more time to write. If theres interest, express it, and I will generate the time to elaborate.
The social connections have been exceedingly superficial. Referring to my friend again, there is a “False Camaraderie” in this setting. Somewhat irksome when the only interests my colleagues have been expressing are sleeping and studying. Admittedly the workload is impressively intense, but it is somewhat disconcerting how quickly everyone has abandoned the interests that individualize them. Although things have been going just fine on a superficial social level, I’ll be the first to admit that the lack of connection on a deeper level is somewhat disruptive to my preferred means of communication. I’ve begun exploring alternatives of which you’ll hear details eventually. As a commuter school, we all head in, serve our time, return home and prepare for the next day. We generate a few minor social events, but little to solidify us as anything more than the same faces every day.
If I want more, the burden is on me. I’ve been happily weighing ladening myself like a pack mule with all the personal and professional challenges in my present because I know I can handle them. Whats one more?
Admittedly its exceedingly difficult when other people are not inclined to meet you halfway. As something of a student of communications and behavior however, I know that to get is to give, and the bar has been set much higher than randomly meeting someone new in a train station.
It’s a challenge, and challenges interest me.
The biggest issue however is time management, and by prioritizing everything, it is not very high in the queue. However it is something worth exploring, and learning how to establish highly successful communication and connection in this different environment should be an interesting exploration.
Then came the Great Interrupt. Law School began. Personal (and social life) fell by the wayside in the pursuit of excellence. What I had developed out of my life was not necessarily the best strategy for dealing with professional school so I’ve had to adapt significantly. Even now I am constantly fine tuning my approach. Hopefully I’ll have more on the experience of walking into school with vastly different personalities over the course of several weeks when I have more time to write. If theres interest, express it, and I will generate the time to elaborate.
The social connections have been exceedingly superficial. Referring to my friend again, there is a “False Camaraderie” in this setting. Somewhat irksome when the only interests my colleagues have been expressing are sleeping and studying. Admittedly the workload is impressively intense, but it is somewhat disconcerting how quickly everyone has abandoned the interests that individualize them. Although things have been going just fine on a superficial social level, I’ll be the first to admit that the lack of connection on a deeper level is somewhat disruptive to my preferred means of communication. I’ve begun exploring alternatives of which you’ll hear details eventually. As a commuter school, we all head in, serve our time, return home and prepare for the next day. We generate a few minor social events, but little to solidify us as anything more than the same faces every day.
If I want more, the burden is on me. I’ve been happily weighing ladening myself like a pack mule with all the personal and professional challenges in my present because I know I can handle them. Whats one more?
Admittedly its exceedingly difficult when other people are not inclined to meet you halfway. As something of a student of communications and behavior however, I know that to get is to give, and the bar has been set much higher than randomly meeting someone new in a train station.
It’s a challenge, and challenges interest me.
The biggest issue however is time management, and by prioritizing everything, it is not very high in the queue. However it is something worth exploring, and learning how to establish highly successful communication and connection in this different environment should be an interesting exploration.
Whats been going on In Possibility's Mind? (Part 1)
There have been a few ideas floating around my mind in my scant quiet moments. I’ll mention them briefly and I encourage YOU to POST YOUR THOUGHTS.
1) The self-improvement and development communities have been expanding rapidly as of late. The most popular undergraduate class in Harvard is ‘Positive Psychology’, which in short is a class about learning to feel good and get a stronger grip on life. ‘Positive Psychology’ is also exploding across different continents. CNN recently described Yoga trips, yoga oriented vacations to enhance spiritual and physical quality and well-being. (Story HERE: http://www.cnn.com/2007/TRAVEL/09/13/yoga.vacations.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch) Anecdotal evidence implies certain therapeutic models and new age ideas are becoming increasingly mainstream.
Why now? My entrance into these communities and belief systems was predicated on a then dissatisfaction that I was not fulfilling my potential. At the time I thought I was an exception. It is readily becoming apparent however, that its far from exceptional.
Is it because the world is perceived as so much more a dangerous place in the last few years? Is the cognizance of loss, pain, and suffering, causing people to relate it to their own lives and determine they want more? They want control?
Is it perhaps a cycle? There were the 60s of course, and sometime over a century ago there was another ‘spiritual’ and self improvement movement. Is it just a natural progression of events, which too will soon find its demise as our expansion in thought meets the inexorable decay of the mundanity of our repetitive existence? I freely admit that it is a concern of mine that I too may eventually fall victim to this subtle oppression, and so I remain ever vigilant.
Is it something else?
If it is a cycle, why so fast? The unbelievable change in our communication, not only in the last two decades but in the last three years with the onset of facebook, youtube, wikipedia, have hyper-accelerated our transfer of ideas. If, lets say, that the specter of conflict in this new millennium is the driving force for our growing trend of happiness/self mastery seeking individuals, then our response has been of unbelievable speed. If the 60s countercultures took a decade to fully form because of the onset of the Cold War (unsubstantiated opinion of one of the big factors), then in half a decade we’ve achieving something in a third of the time. Is it then that we are on some hyper accelerated learning track? Information has never been more accessible and learnings that once were outside the means of all but the few have been packaged and repackaged into easily consumable forms, so much so, that the average person is overwhelmed by its extent. Rather than scarcity, we have an overabundance and it may be far more paralyzing.
Or not. Feedback is welcomed.
1) The self-improvement and development communities have been expanding rapidly as of late. The most popular undergraduate class in Harvard is ‘Positive Psychology’, which in short is a class about learning to feel good and get a stronger grip on life. ‘Positive Psychology’ is also exploding across different continents. CNN recently described Yoga trips, yoga oriented vacations to enhance spiritual and physical quality and well-being. (Story HERE: http://www.cnn.com/2007/TRAVEL/09/13/yoga.vacations.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch) Anecdotal evidence implies certain therapeutic models and new age ideas are becoming increasingly mainstream.
Why now? My entrance into these communities and belief systems was predicated on a then dissatisfaction that I was not fulfilling my potential. At the time I thought I was an exception. It is readily becoming apparent however, that its far from exceptional.
Is it because the world is perceived as so much more a dangerous place in the last few years? Is the cognizance of loss, pain, and suffering, causing people to relate it to their own lives and determine they want more? They want control?
Is it perhaps a cycle? There were the 60s of course, and sometime over a century ago there was another ‘spiritual’ and self improvement movement. Is it just a natural progression of events, which too will soon find its demise as our expansion in thought meets the inexorable decay of the mundanity of our repetitive existence? I freely admit that it is a concern of mine that I too may eventually fall victim to this subtle oppression, and so I remain ever vigilant.
Is it something else?
If it is a cycle, why so fast? The unbelievable change in our communication, not only in the last two decades but in the last three years with the onset of facebook, youtube, wikipedia, have hyper-accelerated our transfer of ideas. If, lets say, that the specter of conflict in this new millennium is the driving force for our growing trend of happiness/self mastery seeking individuals, then our response has been of unbelievable speed. If the 60s countercultures took a decade to fully form because of the onset of the Cold War (unsubstantiated opinion of one of the big factors), then in half a decade we’ve achieving something in a third of the time. Is it then that we are on some hyper accelerated learning track? Information has never been more accessible and learnings that once were outside the means of all but the few have been packaged and repackaged into easily consumable forms, so much so, that the average person is overwhelmed by its extent. Rather than scarcity, we have an overabundance and it may be far more paralyzing.
Or not. Feedback is welcomed.
Expect Long Delays
Life is busy. I was speaking to a man whose opinion I highly respect who referred to professional school as ‘Intellectual Bootcamp’. His observation was uncannily apt. Quickly and insidiously, it wormed its way into my heart and mind and displaced nearly everything about my life but my attitude. I’m facing other significant challenges as well. My time is at a premium and so this blog has descended down the exalted ranks of my priorities. Fear not, gentle reader, I have not abandoned you.
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