Possibilty’s Mind (Part III): Fancy Title Withheld

As most everyone understands to a greater of lesser extent, people are learning machines. Most of our belief system we originally adopt from our family and in the end take at least some of the values they instill in us. It is not always the case but it is much more often than not. These are not always overt. Even someone rejecting an abusive family may have become abusive in turn.

Recently it has led me to some manner of self-inquiry. I have somewhat of a flexible and malleable belief system. There absolutely are values, even ostensibly good values, which I learned from others instead of developing for myself. What I felt as an obligation to my possible future family, what being a good family person entails, etc are taken from other sources. How do I know? My verbiage is almost identical to that where I borrowed it from. These are good and strong, but are they mine? Having explored and crafted for myself many of the personal values I hold dear (which as far as I can tell are not really replicated by anyone I know personally or from material I have been exposed to), I noted recently how these others ‘values’ were generated not from experiential observation but words I learned as a child. Once by all accounts these values (not enumerated here) are solid and respectable.

Do I want to keep them?
Honestly
I don’t know.

One does not need to do bad things to create a value system not to do so. However, something I choose to explore for myself (which I would encourage anyone to do), is to sift through my own beliefs, or what I claim my beliefs are, and ask myself whether its really something I experience and hold dear, or if its something given to me by someone else. Naturally all our beliefs are generated by some manner of information gathering. An example to clarify my point

I held that I want to provide for my (eventual) family the way so that the same opportunities are available to them that were created for me. My family certainly fought tooth and nail for their current place in our society. The expectation is that I would repay them by doing the same.

But I don’t know if I really want to. Not yet.
But that’s what I claimed I believed. I even do to a certain extent, but the passion is not there.
Yet.

I’m far more interested in self development at this time.
Even elements of my profession, undergraduate studies, etc, were pre-fabricated for me by the expectations and values of my family. I went along with it, not grudgingly but because I thought that I was following what I thought I believed in. While direction is good, it wasn’t until somewhat recently that I gained enough insight to see this in particular for what it really is. I am fortunate that I convinced myself that I really like what I do. However decisions I made operating on someone else’s map of how things should be and what I need to do, will forever mark my life.

These days I choose my values. However, taking a deep look at what you think makes you tick and being honest with yourself can be both illuminative and instructive. When I have some opportunity and inclination, I explore it for myself. The key is that its up to us to decide what it is we truly want. It is our responsibility to ourselves.

What do you really value? You decide.