Thursday, July 12, 2007
Okay, here's where I REALLY am going.
Away. I'll be out of the country for a month with no internet access. I'll have more to write about when I'm back in August. Have a good one.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Where am I going?
In the last year I’ve made incredible changes in my life. I found my ambition, motivation, confidence, directness, and considerably more strength of character. That is, not to say that I am finished. I still have my foibles. I can readily be accused of inaction sometimes. There are times when I surrender to lesser instincts and drift a bit from my purpose. To err is human, and its okay, as long as I continue pursuing my path with vigor. There are times when its not so easy, and that’s critical. I believe in being tempered by the forge. Its how I was raised, to my then discontent. All things considered, I’ve made tremendous strides in this year, and the next will be even better. As forges go, the inferno is coming. But as I’ve been preparing myself mentally I’ll be in good form for my next challenges. Physically these past months have been tremendous step backwards, my illnesses, my surgery, the ensuing recoveries, has erased years of effort. That’s okay. The past has passed, and I gave it my best. Now, I once again begin the slow process of rebuilding. I can honestly say I look forward to it.
But where to go with the mind? I’ve been perceiving mine a lot more philosophically and spiritually than clinically as of late. Reading the Tao Te Ching and immersing myself in Zen wisdom finally has true meaning for me. I have not surrendered my religious beliefs, but find great work to complement my personal development in these eastern teachings.
So once again I look at the mind with new eyes. My world changed when I began to perceive the world in through the eyes of a hypnotist. Patterns, states, trances, knowledge, emotion all became readily available.
But now I have begun to look at my mind more philosophically. Am I seeking release? To continue to throw off the chains of the judgment of others? Am I seeking release from my own urges? Looking at the mind from another standpoint, as a tool, would naturally seem clinically unsound. Everything we are is up there (soul not included) after all. But now I am beginning to perceive it as less a container of the personality, at least for me, but to perceive it as a highly sophisticated tool that has a habit of intervening in ways that may not necessarily be what I deeply value the most.
Now all this is easily understood from many different perspectives. However I’m looking at it detached. We have higher levels (logical levels, meta – frames, superconscious, however you want to look at it and chunk it), where we often can see and critique our actions, desires, and wants. We also have a mind that can provide chatter in the forms of words, feelings, pictures, however, that can undermine or aid you. But perceiving the mind as a tool, and all of these feelings that lead you astray as externalities, then what do you have underneath? That’s what I am interested in finding out. I’ve used hypnosis and other techniques to find the basis of many of my major problems, and heal them. But what about the little things that build up? Because deep down I just know these are things applied to sway me from this pure self, this pure state free from all those fabricated things. I wonder what it would be like to have found that place, that freedom from all the negatives holding me back, to fully pursue all things I desire with freedom and clarity? Am I seeking that which some call enlightenment? No, I don’t think so, but I am looking for freedom. Freedom! From the parts of this tool that imposes all limitations on me. Is that where I’m going now? With this new perception, all I know is I’ve taken my first steps. The path is obscured, shrouded in darkness, but at the end there is the beacon, the light that makes it all worth it, and that is where I choose to go. Will I ever reach my destination? I don’t know. How valuable is freedom from your limitations to you?
In the last year I’ve made incredible changes in my life. I found my ambition, motivation, confidence, directness, and considerably more strength of character. That is, not to say that I am finished. I still have my foibles. I can readily be accused of inaction sometimes. There are times when I surrender to lesser instincts and drift a bit from my purpose. To err is human, and its okay, as long as I continue pursuing my path with vigor. There are times when its not so easy, and that’s critical. I believe in being tempered by the forge. Its how I was raised, to my then discontent. All things considered, I’ve made tremendous strides in this year, and the next will be even better. As forges go, the inferno is coming. But as I’ve been preparing myself mentally I’ll be in good form for my next challenges. Physically these past months have been tremendous step backwards, my illnesses, my surgery, the ensuing recoveries, has erased years of effort. That’s okay. The past has passed, and I gave it my best. Now, I once again begin the slow process of rebuilding. I can honestly say I look forward to it.
But where to go with the mind? I’ve been perceiving mine a lot more philosophically and spiritually than clinically as of late. Reading the Tao Te Ching and immersing myself in Zen wisdom finally has true meaning for me. I have not surrendered my religious beliefs, but find great work to complement my personal development in these eastern teachings.
So once again I look at the mind with new eyes. My world changed when I began to perceive the world in through the eyes of a hypnotist. Patterns, states, trances, knowledge, emotion all became readily available.
But now I have begun to look at my mind more philosophically. Am I seeking release? To continue to throw off the chains of the judgment of others? Am I seeking release from my own urges? Looking at the mind from another standpoint, as a tool, would naturally seem clinically unsound. Everything we are is up there (soul not included) after all. But now I am beginning to perceive it as less a container of the personality, at least for me, but to perceive it as a highly sophisticated tool that has a habit of intervening in ways that may not necessarily be what I deeply value the most.
Now all this is easily understood from many different perspectives. However I’m looking at it detached. We have higher levels (logical levels, meta – frames, superconscious, however you want to look at it and chunk it), where we often can see and critique our actions, desires, and wants. We also have a mind that can provide chatter in the forms of words, feelings, pictures, however, that can undermine or aid you. But perceiving the mind as a tool, and all of these feelings that lead you astray as externalities, then what do you have underneath? That’s what I am interested in finding out. I’ve used hypnosis and other techniques to find the basis of many of my major problems, and heal them. But what about the little things that build up? Because deep down I just know these are things applied to sway me from this pure self, this pure state free from all those fabricated things. I wonder what it would be like to have found that place, that freedom from all the negatives holding me back, to fully pursue all things I desire with freedom and clarity? Am I seeking that which some call enlightenment? No, I don’t think so, but I am looking for freedom. Freedom! From the parts of this tool that imposes all limitations on me. Is that where I’m going now? With this new perception, all I know is I’ve taken my first steps. The path is obscured, shrouded in darkness, but at the end there is the beacon, the light that makes it all worth it, and that is where I choose to go. Will I ever reach my destination? I don’t know. How valuable is freedom from your limitations to you?
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Yours truly is out of comission...
which is why there hasn't been a post in a while. Recovering from surgery and the drugs knock me out. When I have a life rolling again I'll once again provide discourse.
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